flower_of_lions | (no subject)

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I told Professor Dumbledore what I did now that I'm back at school. The one in my time, I mean. I told him what I did, why I did it and that I would be handing in my Prefect badge. I know acted rashly and childishly, and... I won't be surprised if Potter never wants to speak to me again. I told Professor Dumbledore I don't deserve to be a Prefect anymore because I sunk down to Potter's level, and maybe even a bit further than that. I turned into a bully, like the students I stand up to on the behalf of those who get pushed around, simple as that.

And he made me keep my badge. He told me that it was a human reaction and even the best of wizards have acted on their tempers. It was strange, but before I left he said something about "sadness flying away on the wings of time" and not forcing forgiveness. ...Bit odd, that. I don't see why I would force him to forgive me....

[Locked to Remus]

When you see this, can you meet me outside the History of Magic classroom? I have something to talk to you about and it's very important.

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[Remus follows her into the room, wondering at the spell before he's standing there, listening to her stumble through her explanation, but by the end of it, he's frozen, standing there stiffly across from her, trying to school his face neutral to disguise the fact that he wants nothing more in that moment to either start crying, screaming, or to run away as fast as he can. So instead he says, in the most neutral way that he can:]

...whatever gave you that idea?

When you missed rounds with me back in October, I started piecing it together in November and it came together in December. Sev has been implying you got sick at the full moon since last year, but I never thought anything of it and told him to mind his own business. I didn't suspect anything until you missed rounds. And Potter as good as told me that you wouldn't be there. It was as if he already knew something was going to happen. So the next time you were gone, Sev mentioned it so I decided to check the moon that night. I checked moon charts to compare to the month before. Then the night before Slughorn's party, I checked again when you were missing from the late afternoon class and on the way to dinner, I thought I had seen the nurse leading you across the grounds. It was a full moon that night too. I went up to the Astronomy Tower to double check, and when I was there I swore I heard howling a few miles off.

[When she finishes, she starts chewing nervously on her lower lip. The whole time she been talking, she had been watching Remus carefully. The neutral expression made her internally nervous, wondering wildly for a moment if she had taken several coincidences and led into believing Sev's wild theory. But really, the more she pressed on with her evidence, it didn't seem all that wild....]

[Remus listens to her explanation, although the whole time, he wants nothing more than to just...he didn't know. Obliviate her about ever having met him at all, and then run off. Or maybe just run, that would definitely be easier and make him feel less guilty, although it really wouldn't help any. At the end of her explanation Remus stands there, staring at her for a second, his neutral expression having changed into something more resembling a deer in the headlights]

I... I don't know what you're talking about [, he lies, badly] Dumbledore would never let a werewolf come to this school. It's... It's too dangerous and. I mean. You've never heard of any werewolves being in normal society, right? It's like... Like we're learning in Defense, they're... They're Dark Creatures... [Remus is obviously not being as smooth as he wanted to, because really...he's terrified]

[Lily shakes her head, not fully convinced with his reasoning.] To be honest, I never knew werewolves truly existed until I came here. And when I first found the community, Dumbledore said... [She pauses, wondering if he knows this part of his future, but she presses on anyway.] he said somewhere in his time you'd had a teaching post at Hogwarts. Surely he has trust in you then too.

[Remus's eyes widen, and he shakes his head, taking a step back] No. That's... That's not possible. He wouldn't ever put the students in danger like that. He shouldn't ever... This isn't happening. I... [He raises his hands to his face, realizing that he's just basically agreed and told her that yes, he is a werewolf. He takes another step back] I'm sorry, I... I can't... [And another. Clearly, he is freaking out about this. Majorly]

Remus... please. [If he were to look at her, he'd find no fear on her face, having gotten the truth of what her friend is. Only a neutral calmness that she was holding up to hide an odd feeling akin to pity. Lily steps closer again and putting her hands on his shoulders to try and keep him still.] I don't care what you are. You're a good person and a good friend, you've shown that time and time again.

[At the hands on his shoulders, Remus stops his slow, backwards retreat, raising his eyes to look at her, but. He still isn't done freaking out about her finding him out, not by a long shot, especially since...] ...you...you said that Snape has got it figured out now too...? [He shakes his head at her, in disbelief] If Snape found out... Merlin, Lily, I... [He's shaking a little under her hands. It's one thing for the people he lived with to've figured it out. It's another thing entirely for her and especially Snape to've figured it out as well]

No, no, he suspects it, but I keep telling him it's a stupid theory and to leave it alone. Frankly, he's a bit obsessive over the four of you, but I swear I won't tell him that he's right and I won't tell anyone else. Not ever for as long as I live. [She stops for a moment and gives his shoulders a gentle squeeze. After a split second, she finally manages to summon up a little smile.] He may be my friend, but you are too. I may not agree with everything he says or does, but if Dumbledore has trusted you to be safe enough to come to school, then I'll trust his judgment. I think he knows that when you're not like the vicious monster we learn about in Defense, the best in you comes out, and that's the Remus I know.

[He shakes his head] But Lily... The Remus you know, and the Remus that's a werewolf... We're both the same person. Are... Are you alright with that? I mean. I get moods, around the full, and after it I'm dead tired. I...I still don't know what Dumbledore was thinking, accepting me here sometimes, let alone making me Prefect. If... If it makes you uncomfortable, I could resign. I... [He shakes his head again] ...you know that I'm a werewolf. You know what that means, how the rest of the world sees people like me. Why are you being so nice about it?

Really, Remus, you sound like you're trying to talk me out of being your friend, but it's not going to work. You'll have to believe me when I say I don't care what other people think. I haven't turned my back on Sev in all the years I've known him. [the things she knows he's done and has heard he's done are going unsaid...] You're not resigning over being Prefect either. I understand now that you have a good reason for skipping out. If anything, I could cover any rounds you have scheduled on nights of the full moon.

[Much to Remus's horror, he finds himself tearing up at how well she's taking this, now nice she's being] Oh, god... [He reaches up to wipe miserably at his face] I'm sorry. I'm... I'm glad that you think that. I'm...well, really glad you don't hate me for this, but. I'm more than a little surprised and overwhelmed. When... When you said that you had something to talk to me about, I definitely wasn't expecting this, and...

[He sniffled a little, wiping his eyes, wanting to just disappear in that moment because he was tearing up like a girl. AGAIN. And this time in front of Lily, too] God...

Don't be sorry. Just know I'm here for you and it's one less secret you need to keep from me, alright? [She pauses for a moment before sliding her arms over his shoulders to pull him into a hug. Poor boy looks like he needs it.]

[Remus's arms come up to wrap around Lily, aiming for gently hugging her back but he's upset so they wrap tighter than that, hugging her back firmly. He laughs, slightly.] ...you're too nice to me. After all that my friends put you through...

You're not your friends and you haven't been awful to me and Sev. I'm grateful for that. [The smile on her face grows as she holds Remus close. She won't let go until he's ready to.]

[Remus doesn't care that she's a girl and that if they were caught like this, in an abandoned room in each other's arms, people might start to talk. He's a wolf, on the inside, and being held like this, it fulfills some basic inner need for contact, so. He's not going to let go quite just yet. He moves to rest his forehead on her shoulder, a bit awkward because of their height difference] I don't really see how I'm worth the effort, though. My friends...they're part of the package, after all.

Then maybe I can try getting to know them better. You did say that they have their nicer sides. Besides, I might be able to figure out why they do what they do to get in so much trouble.

[Remus nods against her shoulder, taking several moments to collect himself some more before pulling back to look into her eyes] They know, you know. About... [God, he couldn't even say it aloud] They've known since second year. And...Lily, the things they've done for me... I know that you might only see them as troublemakers, but. They're so much more. Peter, and James, and...and Sirius. [He tries very hard not to make the last name sound any different than the first, but doesn't really succeed.] I don't know how I would've managed, without friends like them. Friends like you...

I should have known they would have figured it out before me. As much as I loathe to admit it, they're all smart and they do spend more time with you, having you in their dormitory for five years. [She notices that and only gives him a questioning look, but doesn't inquire further.]

[Remus pulls back, having collected himself enough to be embarrassed, but still grateful that she had hugged him nonetheless. He's going to have to go and tell Sirius about this, though, after he's done here. Possibly get some quality cuddling time with him as well] ...I'm sorry. That I overreacted. It's just. [He sighs] No one's supposed to find out about this. I... I must not be being careful enough...

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